Well, it’s 9 months today that you’ve been gone. I miss you so much with every day that goes by. There’s so much that’s happened in these last nine months that i’ve wanted to tell you. So many times that i’ve wanted to run to your side while you’re sitting in your chair and tell you all of these great things, tell you these horrible things, hear you say “want me to beat them up?”. I turned 21 without you by my side. I left for my last full semester without going to say good bye. Going through the ups and downs of my semester and coming home expecting to visit you, but you’re not there. And guess what!! I got engaged!! I really wish you were around long enough to really get to know Josh and for me to come running to you when he asked the question. I really miss you every time I go dress shopping or look at wedding stuff online. I asked my brother to escort me, but I had always dreamt of you walking me down the aisle, but now I’ll be walking towards you (and Josh) on that day. You probably would have freaked when I told you of our plans, but at the same time I know you would have smiled and cried and been so proud. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t wish that you had been more well when Josh was around so you could have laughed with him and he could have gotten to know you like i knew you. (I’m telling you, you would have loved him).
I had to do a project a few weeks ago, it was called a genogram. It’s pretty much our family tree and what’s wrong with us (a lot is wrong, i know, haha). And it took all I had in me not to cry as i had to put the “x” in your box because you’re no longer here. But, i know you’re always in my heart, your picture is always in my bag, your card is in my car. You’ll always be with me, being my number one fan. Cheering me on as I go and holding me close when I feel like I’m falling. I know I’m going to miss you a lot when Josh and I have our first kid, but I know you’re up there, talking to Jesus, telling him to send me a good one 🙂
This is a letter I’m writing to you. I miss you so much, and I know you miss me. I’m sure you’re having a blast up there with Great Grandma and Grandpa Mousley (and the Shaffers, too). I’m sure you’re telling them everything they missed out on in my life, and watching over me guiding me as i go. And don’t worry, I’m never going to forget you. You were my best friend, my rock. I think about you daily, but I’m sure you know that already. And I do know that one day, I’ll be able to see you again. And even though I’m not in a huge rush to die or anything, I’m still looking forward to that day.
I miss you so much, and I know I’ll see you again, so until that day,
with so much love,